You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
