Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
