just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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