he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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