Your dad touched me again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
