Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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