He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
