Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize