good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
