you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
