im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
