They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
