who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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