Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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