He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
