You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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