So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
