R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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