I'm so fucking centered right now
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
