if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
