this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
