I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize