The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
