Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
