and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
