I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
