HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
