What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
