thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
