Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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