Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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