we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
