well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
do nipples grow back?
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