She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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