I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
