Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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