I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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