Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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