the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
