this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
