So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize