Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
