don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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