You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize