Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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