He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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