So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
