Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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