My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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