dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
