Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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