what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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