My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize