so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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