So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
