There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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