Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
