at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
