woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
