I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
