he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have tasted many bathrooms
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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