Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
