In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if only i could text you this smell
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
