my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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