somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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