I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize