hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm like, not good at living.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
