and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
