I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your dad touched me again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
