dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
