PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
