the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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