"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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