Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
