Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
