69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
don't judge my taste in strippers
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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