No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize